Jarvo's Blog - “NIAGARA AND BEYOND”

	Saturday, November 19, 2005

“NIAGARA AND BEYOND”

Thursday 6/10/05
Arrived in Niagara Falls at about 6.30pm, parked the van and checked into a hotel (I had decided to do this as there were no places for me to hook-up the van).

Friday morning, up early and out! into the bloody rain, had checked the weather before I left the hotel and indeed it was due to rain for the next 2 days with dryer times forecast for Sunday & Monday which was also Canada’s thanks giving day, I strode down to look at the falls and yes they were very big and very impressive, on Sunday did the whole tourist thing “Trip behind the falls” “Maid of the mist voyage” etc etc

These pics don’t really convey the power of the thing with 34 million gallons of water going over the falls every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every year. One more geeky fact . the only person to survive an unintentional trip over the falls was in 1960 when a 7 year old boy fell in the water upstream while on a fishing trip luckily he was wearing a buoyancy aid which kept him afloat but heaven knows how he survived. On one part of the walkway by the horseshoe falls you get to within 15 ft of the edge and I couldn’t help getting that “I could just jump over” feeling that I’m sure we’ve all experienced when on a cliff edge or crossing a high bridge but I managed to restrain myself but did have to walk away quickly ! What of Niagara Falls itself? Hmm… How can I put this ? It was completely disappointing! a little piece of Blackpool on the Canadian/USA border.

The main town consisted of 50 or so hotels and motels and 4 main streets each one with it’s own generous supply of amusement arcades, fast food joints, “Kiss me Quick” shops and delightful attractions the “Guinness book of records” museum 2 casino’s the “WWF” experience “The museum of horror” outside which the amplified pre-recorded voice boomed “it’s cold, dark and very very scary !!” well, what did we expect from the “Museum of horror” a warm, friendly atmosphere with a host of kindly fairies enjoying a nice slice of Victoria sponge with Poo bear and his friends !! A warm Mrs Beaton’ esc kitchen feel, full of hot tea and crumpets! These main 4 streets were contained within an 800m square block and there were 5, yes 5! Bloody waxworks museums!! Madam Tusaurds , Luois Tusaurds, The Hollywood wax museum, the Giants of Rock wax museum (with Ozzy Osborne in the window) and most surprisingly and especially with the under 12’s in mind “The wax museum of serial killers !!!!” OK I’m beginning to babble its just I don’t know why it had to be here, ok, yes I do, money the power of the dollar still sadly is mightier than reason or good taste ,just 3 minutes walk from one of the most beautiful natural occurrences on earth, could they not have built it a mile away with perhaps a frequent mono-rail serving the site and left the surrounding area as a natural “lead in” to the falls. One of the most striking things for me was the amount of Japanese tourists mostly between 55 & 65 yrs old they contributed at least 85% of the people in the town and the hotel, on more than one occasion I stepped into a lift with just enough room for one more, with all the other occupants barely 5 ft tall, this gave rise to a few giggled words in Japanese and though the language was foreign the intonation was very familiar. As for meeting people spent a few hours at the Spicy Olive a bar recommended by a friendly waitress at the hotel, when I say “a few” hours I actually mean 1.5 as the “trendy” bar was full of holiday makers who I can only presume had taken advantage of some late season offer on a “two for one package” I was until that point oblivious that the shell suit was still in existence and apparently formed part of expectable evening attire ! Nuff said ! My advise to anyone ever considering a visit would be that 2 days is enough.

On crossing back into the USA I have been informed by immigration that even though I have been granted a 10 year multi trip visa I cannot remain in the US for more than 6 months in any 12 month period (it would have been nice to be told this by the embassy official in London!) so have decided to return to the UK for a brief visit at the end of Feb, then spend 4/5 months doing central/south America before returning to the US to do the west coast.

Thurs/12/05
Arrived at Ellicote city a small town between Baltimore and Washington DC and have hooked up with Miranda who is living here with her American fiancé, another Jeff. One of my life greatest regrets was hurting “Tweeter” she has true beauty within and consequently one of my life’s greatest thankfulness’s (if that’s a word) is that she allowed me to be part of her life again which I cherish greatly. Nuff said.

Monday 17/10/05
Jeff phoned me to ask if I was up for some “man time” as Bupster was at a girly party and of course I said “YES PLEASE!” As we got into his car I asked if we could go to a “proper bar” but I think he already knew that ,we ended up at a right good watering hole, a real red neck spit and sawdust joint, music playing loud and American football on a couple of screens “Oh yes ! I was home!” we sat at the bar ordered a large portion of buffalo wings and talked bloke shit all-night, drinking bottled beer interspersed with shots of something called Guegmiseter (I think) a sort of slightly sweeter Sambuka, had a few words with a few girls but as so often is the case by the time the opportunity arose I was completely shit faced, anyway got back to Jeff’s place ,collapsed on the floor only to be woken a few minutes later by the sound of violent vomiting, and, moving towards the bathroom discovered Jeff slumped over the pan speaking to god on the big white telephone, as a side note wherever I go I am sure of being able to hold my own or indeed excel at the old drinking “GOD SAVE THE RUGBY BOYS!”

Tuesday 18/10/05
Set off for a day trip to Baltimore with Miranda, Baltimore is a harbour town sitting on a large water inlet called Chesapeake Bay the region is famous for shellfish especially crab. We decided to drive into town and set off following one of the smaller roads as we thought there would be less traffic, this whilst initially seeming a good idea turned into a slight worry as we entered a very dodgy part of town with many houses boarded up and groups of men out on the street, it was all to reminiscent of scenes from movies where unsuspecting characters stumble into the wrong part of town! Luckily we were driving a 1992 Buick with tinted windows, which I had earlier christened “the pimp mobile” so our pasty faces were well hidden, Now you might think I’ve possibly oversold the whole dodgy area/danger thing just for effect, but, to put it into context Baltimore is just a little bigger than Brighton and recently on the local evening news there was a report that crime figures were improving with only 219 murders so far this year compared with 234 at this time last year!

Once safely parked took the short walk onto the harbour, its got that cool look, the one where you look across the water and tall modern office buildings stretch up from the edge,

moved around the harbour area via water taxi which number many its been a nice change to look at stuff with someone, especially someone with such a happy sunny outlook who I am very fond of and am so pleased she has found good love with Jeff, who appears to be a decent human being.. During my time here I have had the luxury of the car (that Buick) lent to me by Mirandas friend Peggy a delightful lady whom I enjoyed a dinner and conversation with on sat night (14/10/05) as J & M were away for the weekend. On the Friday night(13/10/05) another of Mirandas friends Heidi took me into Baltimore for a night out a nice girl but bats for the “other side” or should it be the “same side” Hmm… anyway we met up with some of her friends, their was a married couple 30’ish the bloke Eric “top man” was studying to become a professor of history at Johns Hopkins university, some of you will recognise the name Johns Hopkins (his first name of “Johns” and was a family name) he was a very successful merchant who, on his death left his considerable fortune to a committee of local business men with the express instruction to create a university of quality and that dream has certainly came true but more for the teaching and research into things medical than anything else. Anyway went to a part of town called Falls Piont it had cobbled streets and a sort of Camden lock feel, very fashionable and cosmopolitan with bars selling “dark” beer that’s bitter to you and me, it was a good night and got completely faced, their dark beer is very yeasty and a couple of the bars even had pint glasses, also in attendance was a couple of Heidi’s “friends” one of whom was already fairly drunk a skinny enimic looking girl called Sarah, in doing my duty to God and the Queen (no pun intended) I thought it proper to get a round in, on asking the thin bloodless one what she would like she replied “vis duzzn’t mean you can tek me home” to which I promptley replied “off course not ! I have a penis you know!” like many of my mates I have met many lesbians in my life they’re usually very very very attractive and can be found late at night in clubs and pubs, well… they must be lesbians?!!!

Woke up on Heidi’s sofa with a cracking hangover and after a sausage and egg McMuffin (essential in such hangover cases) drove back to the van avoiding the Baltimore marathon which had started at 8am that morning , spent the rest off the day being good to myself (no lads, that not a metaphor for masturbation!).

Thursday 20/10/05
Drove into Washington DC for a days sight seeing with Bupster (Miranda) found a dodgy rough roadside car park for $15 a day (about £8.50) which is pretty dam good for the capital. CHRIST! have I sunk into middle age without noticing and feel compelled to mention the price of parking (note to self: always be on guard against onset of middle age!) Well, I have to hand it to the yanks they do have the old monument thing really sorted not only in their stature but also proximity, imagine if you will looking at a crucifix from above, well at the bottom of it you’ve got the US capital building, in the centre the Washington monument at the top the Lincoln Memorial on the left hand end the Jefferson memorial and on the right the White House, and on the edge of each side of the main stretch are the museums.

Whilst outside the White house we watched as a cavalcade of police motor cycles , 4x4’s and semi-armoured vehicles sped into the gates the outriders stopping traffic as it came, and it was “HIM”’ ol’GW (confirmed by a mounted cop standing guard, but that wasn’t the end of it about 2 hours later as we sat by the Washington monument one of those big presidential helicopters appeared in the sky and set down on the lawn in front of the White house, where it sat for a few minutes rotors turning, we then noticed two more of these whirring monsters circling the skies above, a few minutes later the two airborne copters flew a pattern that brought them to either flank of the White house coming straight at us, and, as they passed the presidential building the one carrying “HIM” lifted into the air and moved out forming a skybound triangle passing no more than 100 ft directly over us, excellent! I got that whole Dan Dare/Boys own feeling!

Monday 24/10/05
Was taken to Annapolis by J&M another smaller harbour town on Chesapeak Bay the main purpose of our visit was to sample crab , we went into a restaurant and ordered 24 crabs , 1lb of steamed shrimp and 2 dozen oysters (oysters if you didn’t know are always served in baker’s dozens, that’s 13) well the oyster has never been my favourite fare but obviously had to do the whole manly thing and I must say they were very good, especially if accompanied buy a little horseradish sauce. As for the crab, now don’t get me wrong crab meat is nice, I like it, but what I found pointless was the whole business and work involved in getting to it! Cracking off the legs, smashing and twisting claws, holding the main body of the creature between the palms and forcing it apart then scraping out the guts (I love that word!) then cracking it in half and then! cracking each half open to reveal a piece of meat no bigger than your thumb! I guess of the 10 or so crabs I ate the total meat would barely fill an empty backed bean can! But as Jeff said it is a very social way to eat with a big tray of steamed crabs in the middle of a table with everyone just dipping in, and I am great full that he took the time to let me have the experience.

Wednesday 26/10/05
Will be leaving here in the morning and heading off for a few days driving south towards Nashville and on southwest towards Texas where warmer climes await as Autumn is well on the way with the forecast for frost in the northern areas of Maryland. I’ve had a great time here and its been nice to have had company, I do feel like I’ve been a bit of a tourist for the last 3 weeks or so and am looking forward to being back in the countryside again, also haven’t worn shorts for 4 weeks which really wont do…

Friday 28/10/05
Arrived at a site on the shores of the Piankatank River, this site belongs to the group that I signed up for when I purchased the van, it has all the usual stuff but also a spa , had only intended to stay for 1 night but on my arrival was handed a “Halloween Weekend Events” flyer which included an item entitled “Pet costume contest” well I just had to stay! how could I miss the opportunity to see at first hand this plunge into canine insanity. Now then, the whole Americans and their “dog rat” thing, they’re obsessed by these little yapping pieces of fury pointlessness, with every conceivable breed in evidence from Deusthound to Shiatsu they’re everywhere, and for 85% of the time the owners carry them, they don’t even get to use there legs, possibly for fear of getting dirty, heaven forbid! Anyway as show time neared I made my way to the pavilion full of expectation, and I was certainly not disappointed there were about 30 contestants each with their pooch dressed in various getups, as I walked amongst them the general hubbub and excitement was nearly to much for me! I had brought my camera to take a few snaps of this fury rat fest, but initially I found myself trying very hard not to laugh out loud as these icons of the simple minded were paraded around in front of 3 judges the owners doing there level best to make little Mitsy etc walk nicely. Anyway after much debate and another 3 walk rounds the head judge stood and announce the 3rd and 2nd place with people cheering and applauding rapturously! Then, the moment had come the winner was… Birty! Yes little sausage dog Birty had done it! As his owner moved forward (Birty tucked neatly under one arm) I noticed something rather odd, our little friend Birty was dressed as a cowdog, with his little cowdog trousers a small gun belt with 2 miniature 6 shooters, waistcoat and cowdog hat perched at a jaunty angle on his head. Now, forgive me for being a bit picky but wasn’t this a “Halloween” fancy dress contest? with every other contestant got up as a witch or at least something proporting to be a little scary. It was, for me at least, the perfect absurd end to a perfectly absurd event!

Halloween here is equal to the 4th July the whole country really gets into it with people decorating their houses and stuff , on the site it was much the same chatting to a few people they confirmed that quite a few groups of friends and family congregate at sites such as these for the weekend and indeed this could be seen, as walking around at night camp fires blazed with people sat around drinking beer and talking it had a bit of a music festival feeling and was really nice.

Not withstanding the dog rat thing my 3 days here have been very cool and the river and surrounding area are very beautiful indeed, and so tomorrow (Sunday 30/10/05) will head for the Great Smoky Mountains for a week of natural stuff.

God was that it! October come and gone, oh well they do say time flies when your having fun, till next time take much care x.

Poem of the month

As Mary Oliver’s piece was possibly a little heavy (but good) thought I’d lighten it a bit, this is a little ditty from Anthony Sykes who describes me, (or rather a man like me) while out drunk with Jeff trying to pull while shit faced! And aptly called…

“NO CHANCE”

That letching look
That gaze of lust
That need for someone
That need or bust
The incoherence,
Control misplaced
With time elapsing,
He’s losing the race
His speech is clumsy,
His text unfound
Involuntary swaying?
He’s run aground
His time is passing,
He’s losing the thread
His time is passing
His intention near dead
But his jokes are unfunny
With a tumbleweed pause
And his drunk execution
Is so full of flaws
He’ll smile to please her,
But he’s really a fake
He’ll do just about anything
If shell give him a break
Perseverance his watch word,
He’s tied to the cause
But she’s leaving his presence,
With no sound of… Applause

11/19/2005 3:55:29 PM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)

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